When Bad Days Get Beautiful

So let me tell you. Just about my own, if you don’t mind.

Our class had just been through a tough week with all the nosebleeding final exams and stuff. So what I dreamily imagined as an I-could-do-ANYTHING-without-worrying-anymore-about-any-coming-exams night turned out to be the least that I ever expected.

My good friend, Realyn, and I dropped by at the university chapel last night. The main reason why we went there was not really to pray (we already had a mass sponsorship earlier in the afternoon and we are not that saint-like to go to the chapel a couple of times or more in a day) but to just actually check on Someone. As we stepped in, wonderful guitar chords accompanying a speaking beautiful voice greeted our ears. There were a few religious students occupying the first few fronting pews so both Rey and I chose to immerse ourselves at the back. We eventually learned that Someone was there and oh I could tell how happy Rey was (for she hugged me around my waist). So yeah, Someone, is actually the guy whom Rey has been liking for ages.

He was leading the praise and worship session that night, talking with conviction over the microphone to the Lord, reminding us of how great His love is while simultaneously plucking his guitar for beautiful notes to fill the entire place. We both stood on our spots and my thought was, I should be out in a few minutes, but for whatever reason there may be, I didn’t.

I started closing my eyes, feeling every word that he said. It was then that I began to feel connected to this wonderful force. The feeling was just so beautiful, really. Then a moment later, he sang. As I lingered in that beautiful place, I felt so attached to where I was standing. My eyes were still closed, ears fed on every note that filled the air, heart started to swell. He ended the song beautifully and then let a girl colleague talk (who’s actually A, our current classmate). I didn’t know what really happened next. All I knew was that tears raced down my cheek. At first, I was thinking, What on earth is wrong with me? But seconds later, I realized that my heart was just so guilty. A’s words were just so true. They spoke to me.

These past few weeks had been hell-like for me and my batch mates as we battled through our Integrated Accounting life (especially for me, who, after four and a half years of wallowing in this course, still has not found love for it). The lessons that seemed to have flitted a hundred miles ahead of me that I needed to catch up with, the exams that seemed to come as fast as a bullet without me being prepared, the expectations of my ever beloved mother and relatives for me to graduate (even with flying colors), all of these chained me from anything else in this world that all I unwillingly have to do is be on my desk and study those things that don’t even leave a single trace in my heart. But as I tried to meet them all, I’ve neglected one of the most intangibly essential things in the world – going to church on Sundays to hear mass.

Not that I’ve forgotten Him. I have my own ways of connecting with Him. But there’s just this guilty seed that’s sprouting in my heart for not spending an hour a week with Him at His holy place. An hour a week. An HOUR. I feel so guilty for choosing to study and feeding my mind with knowledge I’d eventually forget over going to church, singing praises with the rest of the faithful and feeding my body and soul with the holy Eucharist and His words. There, I shamefully admit, I prioritize my exams on Mondays over being with Him in an hour on Sundays. Uuh, so not worthy of that big sacrifice on the cross.

So there I found myself sniffling as tears seemed not to ebb. I was so guilty. And my heart was crying out for forgiveness. Minutes later, I figured out that my heart lightened, like a sack-of-rice heaviness was just removed from it. I knew. I was then forgiven.

I just can’t help but think about how He works with His ways to draw me to Him. Rey likes this Someone who turns out to be a very religious guy who uses his talents to praise Him, and she takes me to the chapel to check if Someone was there who happened to be really there, and the next thing that happened was a reminder that I needed.

I didn’t want to but I really cried my heart out. I even had goosebumps when we were calling the Holy Ghost. One of us even had this speak-in-tongue.

:::

Earlier this morning, our director called us for a meeting where he revealed the big announcement. He said that all of us passed. I remember him saying these melody-sounding-on-the-ear lines, “Congratulations October 2014 graduates!” Shouts like that of a champion who learned of his victory filled the library (as we held the meeting there), tears marked on everybody’s reddened eyes, big hugs conveyed I’m so happy we all made it, friend!, and people called up their families to deliver the good news. These things, these will forever be marked in our hearts. ^_^ The Integrated life is a life-death situation one would be in (at least, as what we used to perceive it to be), and it sounded just like angels singing as Mr. Flores, our God-sent director announced the very good news. Thank you, Sir Flores. Thank you for believing in our capabilities. Thank you for that kindness in your heart. 🙂

In the middle of everything, I stumbled upon one thought. God is just so good.

I prayed that all of us will be able to make it. That nobody would be crying while others are celebrating. That all of us will share a beautiful memory on our graduation day with our happy families. I have been praying for that, really. It just struck me, though, as if I had just been into an ice bucket challenge. All these months in Integrated I’ve been praying so hard. Yet when there was already a month left, I let loose of my grandest connection with Him. I’ve never been into the holy masses for quite a long time not until last Sunday (as finals week started the next day). How can I be so easily caught up and hardly plucked out from my studies when He was calling me to come to His place and just throw my worries away? I had been such an asshole. But He, He had just been so good. Even right at the very start.

We are people with inherent obligations and responsibilities to carry out in this world. With those emanate the demand of time on our respective undertakings. However, we should not let these worldly things consume and control us wholly. We should always seek for time to talk to and be with Him. Also, He only needs an hour of the one hundred eighty-nine hours we have in a week. That’s just a snippet of our time, really. Let’s not be that mean to our Master who created us. Let’s not be too preoccupied with our chosen careers. Let’s not worry about what comes tomorrow, about the future we’re creating that depends largely on us, and about all the worldly things. Look at how I was focused with my studies, neglecting Him on Sundays but how He still graciously helped me out. Don’t be so preoccupied with all the things around you. Remember, we wouldn’t have been living in this world had it not been for Him. So there, instead of worrying about these worldly requirements, let’s tighten our relationship with Him.

Surrender everything to Him.

And have that unwavering Faith.

There are so many verses in the bible that reassure us of His great love for us. There’s one that was actually introduced to me by a stranger in a chat engine. I believe God sent me such wonderful message through that stranger (remember when I shared that verse on the bible that talked about entertaining strangers for they could be angels?  ^_^). The message is just so wonderful that the first time I read it, I think my heart just cried out. So let me leave you with it:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

-Jeremiah 29:11-13

P.S.

So why the title When Bad Days Get Beautiful? I know you know. 🙂

Have a blessed day, my friend.

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