As I walked away that day leaving my four-month-old friends but with memories tattooed on mind, sadness crept in my heart. I shouldn’t have felt that. I shouldn’t be currently feeling that. I should even be celebrating because I’m finally out of that stressful job. But no. A part of me doesn’t even want to leave. For four months, my heart has grown love for the place and my workmates who became my friends. But true it is, some good things just don’t last. So there, that explains the sadness’ unwanted visitation in my heart.
See, I was thrown in the dilemma of balancing both work and review but the latter always ends up compromised. Now, one of them was finally given up – work.
In life, there will always come a point when we are faced with decisions we have to make, some of them even with great bearing that it almost seems impossible to decide and choose one over the other. In times like this, it is not a good way to decide right away. Our team leader, whom I talked to about my dilemma, told me to think about it many times. “So yes, you quit your job. But what if, just what if, you won’t pass the board exam? You lose both.” Okay, he got a point there. Truth be told, I have had about 10 changes of decisions. The second to the last one was to take the exam on October since I only have two months left if I’d pursue on May, and I haven’t had a serious review ever! Plus the fact that I’m no extraordinary stud. If I’m not even mistaken, I’ve just attended the review classes 4 times since November last year. Uh-oh. It’d really be difficult to beat the odds! Crossing my fingers wouldn’t even make a difference.
Until one time, a question crossed my mind, asking my own self: “Where’s your faith?”
Several minutes into the thought, still stunned, I realized myself reasoning out: “It’s not about faith. It’s me – I’m not doing my part. Do you want to help a person who is not even helping himself?”
But just days ago, I’ve finally made up my mind – I’d take the board exam this May. There’s still two months to make up and do my part and whatever the result is, I’d wholeheartedly accept it. After all, it is God’s will that should be done.
There are two things that I learned from this course:
- Don’t decide right away. Think twice, as they say. Furthermore, think in advance. Deciding right away can be disastrous and regretful, so it’s always best to weigh things first and consider the current factors/possible outcomes of each choice you’re about to choose. And some times, the words of other people can enlighten us, so if you’re still indecisive, seek for their advice.
- If both your mind and heart are still undecided, seek for His guidance. Submit yourself to Him. Do not worry too much. After all, we are just fleeting in this world.
Let me end this post with a very beautiful verse from the bible through James 1:5-6 NIV (thanks to my good friend, Jenny, for advising me this). It says,
” If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”
Have a blessed day to you, my friend.
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