Sometimes, no matter how we keep our cool on things that are plaguing us, we just couldn’t hold still. We tend to erupt like a mad volcano, only to realize in the end that we reacted just too much and that it’s already late because as a consequence of such outburst, we caused broken hearts. We then wish to undo whatever we have overdone. However, we all know we can’t do that. In effect, we dwell on our thoughts, imagining the lighter things that could have resulted had we done the lighter way around. But what’s done is done; imagining couldn’t make a difference. On the lighter note, there’s still one more option – to mend things and make them right – but, since we’ve shattered hearts, consequently, there would be scars. Scars that would serve as evidence of what happened. The sad thing here is that, these scars linger for some time. The saddest thing is, they could linger forever.
Life is not like that in movies or the making of it. We cannot review the scenes which we have participated upon that in cases when we acted in a way that is displeasing or badly, we can have nth takes just to make the scene the way it should be portrayed and done. Life has no rewinds, that’s the reason why it’s supposed to be played right.
Let me share with you this wonderful principle by a great man named Stephen Covey. He helped me open my eyes and live life the way it should be lived, valuing every ticking second and appreciating the much more beautiful things that the world is numbly incapable of granting us – the beautifully intangible yet conceivable things we call understanding, patience, and love.
THE 90/10 PRINCIPLE
“10% of our life depends on what happens to us”…
“90% of our life depends on how we react to it….”
What does this mean?
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane may be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different.
You determine the other 90%.
By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction.
Don’t let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let’s use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family.
Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt.
You have no control over what just what happened.
What happens when the next will be determined by how you react.
You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.
She breaks down in tears.
After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize them for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table.
A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt.
Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work.
You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.
Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 (traffic fine) away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.
After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.
Your day has started terrible.
As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.
You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry.
You gently say, “It’s okay honey, you just need to be more careful next time”.
Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves.
You and your spouse kiss before you go to work.
You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff.
Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference? Two different scenarios.
Both started the same. Both ended different.
Why? Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens.
The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle:
If someone says something negative about you, don’t be a sponge.
Let the attack roll off like water on glass.
You don’t have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day.
A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic?
Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel?
(A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off)
Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket?
Do you try and bump them?
WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work?
Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated?
It will work out.
Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day.
Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant?
She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger.
Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
Now you know the 90-10 principle.
Apply it and you will be amazed at the results.
You will lose nothing if you try it.
The 90-10 principle is incredible.
Very few know and apply this principle.
The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache.
There never seem to be a success in life.
Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening.
There is constant stress, lack of joy and broken relationships.
Worry consumes time.
Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest.
Friends are lost.
Life is a bore and often seems cruel.
Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged.
You can be different!
Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
It only takes willpower to give ourselves permission to make experience.
Absolutely everything we do, give, say, or even think, it’s like a Boomerang.
It will come back to us.
If we want to receive, we need to learn to give first.
Maybe we will end with our hands empty.
But our heart will be filled with love.
And those who love life,
Have that feeling marked in their hearts.
Because my dear,
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the pictures above.