“I love you, Julie.”
My mp3 was blasting at its fullest through my earphones and I was singing along with the music but I swear I heard you say something about love if my sensitive ears discerned it correctly. So I removed one earphone and said, “Sorry. Come again?” as I looked up to you, meeting those deep black eyes that shone an inexplicable spark which instantly flitted away.
“I said you had your music too loud, you could damage your drums.” You plopped down on the couch, cupped your nape with your hands and closed those eyes. “You sure you haven’t heard me say that?”
“All I heard was Adelle’s voice.” I said, turning the volume down by three, enough to hear you say things again, and put the freed earphone back to my ear. So the love that I heard incorrectly was just loud actually. Funny how ears could be deceiving sometimes. Hahaha.
Just then, I realized that I had been in your place for like a couple of hours now and yet I haven’t asked you what’s up for pressing down my numbers and telling me to come along.
“Hey.” I said, finally getting my ears rid of Adelle. I turned to my side to face you, and you were in that weird position of yours that I quietly find cute. “Sorry. I’m free now. Throw me in.”
You sighed. It was your way of telling me that no word would be escaping from your mouth for the next ten minutes or so. I’ve known you quite long enough and I know that my presence could pacify your troubled thoughts even if you don’t share them to me at all. Because we’re best of friends and kinda weird that way.
I was about to put back the earphones on my ears when you started speaking.
“It’s bugging me for years now. This feeling. It’s like a host that dwells in me that doesn’t plan to get out of my system. And the more I try to oust it out of me, the more it gets wild. It makes me suffer.” Your eyes were still closed and I worried to death because of the way you spoke. You sounded like tomorrow’s your last.
“Why? What’s wro-wrong?” I stuttered. My heart paced two beats faster. I was scared you’d tell me you have leukemia or any disease that kills and that you could die any moment.
“I’m…” you started, and the longer you held that silence, the faster my heart paced. “… in love.” You finally dropped.
I almost fell from my seat. That’s all? You don’t have SARS or something?
I laughed so hard after recovering from your thrilling statement. You opened your eyes when my mocking laughter broke the solemnity of your words. You frowned so I tried suppressing my mouth from laughing until I finally shifted to seriousness. Because you were. And I needed to be, too. Mind you, was afraid you’d hit me on my laughing face had I not stopped.
“Sorry, Moe. I thought you were gonna tell me you have leukemia whatsoever so my heart really rejoiced when my over-thinking mind just over-thought, and that you are just… in love.” I grinned sheepishly. “Carry on, then.”
You sat erect and faced me. I then foresaw it would be a real serious convo.
“There’s this girl whom I like for years now – ”
“So you like a girl for years now and you didn’t even bother telling me. I thought we’re super friends.” I snapped, sounding like a disappointed friend. Honestly, deep inside, I felt really bad because all these years I have set my heart on you but you were out there liking and eyes-turning-into-hearts for that certain lucky I-wish-who-never-existed girl.
“Because I was planning to tell you when I’m done deliberating about my true feelings for her!” You reasoned out. Urgh! Whatever you say! You should have just told me earlier so I wouldn’t fancy you and me breaking that friendship zone and going beyond!!! It hurts, do you know?
“Okay, okay! So you love her, I see. Continue.” Even if all I wanted to say was ‘I wanna go home.’ But I’m your best friend. I’m supposed to be listening to whatever you say, even to the most nonsensical ones. I’m ought to listen to your everything, especially to what your heart says. But listening to you that moment was tantamount to stabbing myself to death. Yet I had to.
“I love her, Julie.” You said as you stared on the blank wall, your eyes dreamy.
Pang. I felt pain in my heart as those words cut deep through it.
“So much.” This time, I felt my heart bleed. I think I was gonna die of internal hemorrhage. Why still add those two? T__T
You slowly turned to look at me.
Our gazes locked.
I saw that inexplicable spark in your orbs again.
“You know,” there I was, “the best thing to do is tell her.” the great pretender. The greatest actress in the world. I could have won many prizes had I focused on acting instead of pathetically singing my heart out with emotional songs and all.
“I’ve been mustering my courage to tell her for months now actually, but everytime I come face-to-face with her, my confidence just seems to vanish like a bubble and my tongue slides down to my esophagus. And I hate the feeling of not being able to confess to her. Because all I wanna do is be with her every single minute, caress her, kiss all her fears away, and make her feel loved,” you said with your eyes still locked in mine. I knew you wished I was her whom you’re facing with that moment.
“Tell her, you fool.” I said as I looked away.
“TELL HER. Or somebody else gets ahead of you and you’ll regret it forever.” I sounded like a father pushing his son to be brave and confess to the girl he likes. Well at least, I didn’t sound like brokenhearted.
I looked at my watch. I could no longer bear it. I had to get out of the situation before I could lose my mind. Good thing my brilliant mind was still functioning.
“Dude, I’m sorry. I almost forgot I have dinner with mom.” I wasn’t just a pretender, but a big fat liar as well. Indeed, a very good one, especially when it comes to hiding my real feelings. Eat dung, Julie!
“I’ll make it up to you some other time, okay? Tell me how she reacted.” I said as I darted to the door, trying to act like I was in a hurry.
“She said she almost forgot she has a dinner with her mom.” You said when I jerked the knob and had the door ajar. I stopped and looked at you over my shoulder with a crease on my head. Is repeating my statement your newly-found game?
“Sorry?” I asked, quite confused.
“That’s her reaction. She said she has a dinner with her mom.” I turned around and leaned my back on the door for support in case I’d collapse. I was finally getting it.
You came closer, your intoxicating scent entering my nostrils. In a blink, we were already inches apart. We stood still while gazing at each other for what seemed like eternity.
“Julie…” you finally broke the silence that dominated. “… the girl’s you.” My eyes began to flood with tears, imminent to escape. Then eventually they seeped out. I wiped them with the back of my hands, not wanting you to say I was OA, but maybe I looked cute to you because you laughed. Haha.
“Stop it. You’re gonna flood my room in a minute.” You said jokingly and I smiled. “I love you, Julie. I love you so much.” You said in almost a whisper as you wiped a naughty tear that slid down my cheek with your thumb.
“Moe…” was the only word that escaped from my mouth. I surreptitiously pinched my leg in order to wake up if I was only dreaming.
“The words, Julie. Please.”
I stared at you, eyes beaming with tears, still in great disbelief.
“Come on, Juls.” Your sparkling eyes confirmed that I wasn’t really dreaming.
“I love you, Moe. I always did. And I always will. I love you til hell freezes over.” I said with all my heart. And then the next thing I knew was that you were leaning towards me, closing the gap. I felt your soft lips brush gently against mine.
For a moment, I forgot the world.
And for the same moment, I felt heaven. ♥